My 5 Month Old Superman

My 5 month old Superman

Written Jul 18, 2012 10:42pm by Hillary Sirmon

This journal entry is definitely on the therapeutic side…for me, not for Benjamin. ๐Ÿ™‚ What started off as a little bit of a rough day, ended with tears of joy.

This morning while I drank my coffee and scanned through facebook (guilty pleasure), I read how another MTM angel was led to heaven yesterday. I can’t imagine the pain that mother feels, and knowing that I will be in her shoes one day sometimes scares me. She stated, “it hurts to breath without him.” Such a powerful statement coming from a mom who had been helping her son breath since birth. I was speechless, and I could offer no words of encouragement. Hopefully, as time goes on, I will be a little better at “words of encouragement” for others going through similar situations, but this is still so new to me even though most of the time I feel like, “we’ve got this!”

Our morning continued with concerns from Benjamin’s nurse over his elevated heart rate and Benjamin just not acting himself. As we brainstormed over various reasons, the number one cause I could come up with is that maybe he still has a cold. He does live in a home with a two and three year old. I can’t even imagine the germs he is exposed too. I try to keep them clean, but I can only do so much. ๐Ÿ™‚ Luckily, Benjamin seemed to feel better as the day went on.

On my way to see a patient today, I was a little early so I stopped by a store that carried kids clothes. They had a 70% off sale. Whooohooo! Those of you who know me well, know I love a sale, and that I am very frugal. If I find something cute and cheep in a larger size, I will definitely grab it knowing that one day the kids will wear it. I headed immediately to the little boy clothes starting with Benjamin’s current size. Not finding anything, I went ahead to the larger sizes to begin rummaging for future wardrobe choices for Benjamin. I wasn’t there long until I thought about the little boy that left us yesterday, and that maybe looking for things for Benjamin to wear in the far future wasn’t a good idea. I was overwhelmed with sadness, and with tears in my eyes, I moved on. Like I have said before, my sadness is selfish. I know Benjamin will always be taken care of whether he is with us or with God, but at times like this, I worry about how we will all deal without him. All moments like this occur when I am not with him. You just can’t be sad when you are around Benjamin… he doesn’t let you. ๐Ÿ™‚

When I arrived back at the house, I ran to his room to see him. He just makes my day better. I kissed on those mushy cheeks while Benjamin was being fit for new “superman” braces for his feet. Later on, he was awake in his bed, so I put a mobile over him to work on his reaching. Immediately, Benjamin reached for the giraffe lifting his elbow off the bed while keeping his hand suspended in the air. THIS IS HUGE. Benjamin has been able to reach for toys above him only moving his forearm or rub his hands over his head and face, but he uses gravity or has his hand supported to help lift his elbow off the bed. Today, he not only did this without gravity assisting, he did it against gravity. Tears flooded my eyes as I thanked God for such a little miracle I have in front of me.

Most days, I only think of Benjamin as “Superman.” He shows us new tricks everyday, saves us in many ways, and teaches us all to be better people. This makes it harder sometimes when days like today remind me of how lucky we are to still have him with us. I found a small portion of a poem today written by Judah Halevi that brings comfort to me when I see another MTM angel led to heaven.

I have sought to come near You.
I have called to You with all my heart;
And when I went out towards You,
I found You coming towards me.

Tonight, I decided that next time, I will buy the shirt I liked in a size 4, because Benjamin WILL wear it.


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