2013 started with a bang, or let me reword that, an explosion. I woke up around 2 am with four nurses running around Benjamin’s bed. I jumped up asking, “is he ok?!” He was definitely ok, but had made such an explosion in his diaper, it took four people to assess and manage the damage. An hour later, I was woken up by Benjamin being suctioned. Everything is still so thick in his lungs that suctioning is a little more involved than normal, and it really takes a lot out of him. Another hour later, it was x-ray. Yes, I am a little tired, but no, please don’t tell me how tired I look. 🙂
As I wait to talk to the physician to discuss our game plan, I have a moment of quiet time to think about the past year. It is very hard to find one word that can describe the past year appropriately. Actually, it is very hard to describe it at all. 2012 was filled with happiness, tears, anxiety, fear, joy, faith, friends (new and old), family, fatigue, and energy. Who knew that these 12 months would hold more tears than any previous year, but also more smiles and joy? I do know that the “downs” in life help us truly appreciate the “ups.” Though our life has not turned out as planned, and though we have spent over a third of the year in a hospital, I am glad to do it because it means I still have all three of my children. I think about the wonderful people I have met, new relationships we have made, and bonds that have been made stronger. I think about how much I have grown emotionally, mentally, and religiously. Even better is that I have watched people grow around me. Benjamin just changes people. He is barely able to move, but get to know him, and you will be forever changed. Benjamin doesn’t do this alone. Lennon and Isla have also taught us so many things about love and acceptance. All of us should strive to be more childlike. I have watched friends and family return to their faith, and I have seen the best brought out of people.
So, New Year’s Resolutions…
I know most people usually chose resolutions that concern themselves…lose weight, exercise,make more money. My goal for the New Year is to keep my family alive (most people wouldn’t have considered that one), happy, and healthy. Also, I want to make sure I not only live every day like it’s my last, I want to live every day like it could be the last day on earth for every person that I come in contact with. Can you imagine a world where everyone strived for that? Now, I am definitely not perfect, and just like all New Year’s Resolutions, we can stray from our goal, but I think this is a pretty good start.
Thank you so much to everyone who has made this such an amazing year. God bless, and best wishes for 2013. I end with one last thought. It is not what happens in our life that makes us who we are, it is how we handle what happens to us that makes us who we are.