Last Friday began our week of birthday celebrations. I was a little torn on planning a birthday party for Benjamin during cold and flu season, but with hand sanitizer stations at the door, I decided to proceed. A one year old birthday is usually filled with children playing, but now when I think of children playing, I have fear of germs and fear of future hospitalizations during cold, RSV, and flu season. Because of this, Benjamin was surrounded by family and close friends who supported KC and me as well as Benjamin, Isla, and Lennon during such a tough and amazing year. Benjamin was in great spirits to start off the night, but by the time we were ready to sing “Happy Birthday” and have a cupcake, Benjamin was exhausted. We hope for a better performance on his actual birthday tomorrow.
Today, I asked KC what he remembered of a year ago from today. He had little to say, but I remember sitting while having my nails done, counting time between contractions, with nerves that I did not have with Lennon and Isla. On our way to the hospital, we were both a little on edge. Maybe it was because we were running late, then put on hold by the hospital, or maybe it was because we just knew something wasn’t going to go exactly as planned. I think God tries to send us subtle signs to try to prepare us for the future. We arrived at the hospital and patiently waited to be called back. We then moved into our room, tried to get comfortable, sat through contractions, and waited. KC slept comfortably while I stayed up and watched Gotye on VH1 all night. With Lennon and Isla, I slept up until it was time to push, but this time it was different. I had a sense of uneasiness that I didn’t have with the girls. Once again, God was trying to prepare me.
Once Dr. Morris came in that morning, he was ready to break the water and as soon as he did, Benjamin was delivered. Upon delivery, I knew something wasn’t right. There was no cry, and Benjamin was a dusky blue. After what seemed like eternity, they wisked him away to the NICU leaving me behind while nurses tried to convince me everything was OK. I knew things were not OK, and that I might lose my little angel that I had yet to officially meet. After alot of convincing, they allowed me to get into a wheelchair where I was taken upstairs to meet the little guy who would change our lives forever. What took me months to realize was that the nurses were right. Everything was going to be OK, it was actually going to be better than OK. 🙂
From here is where our story began. We have had a year of tears, fear, worry, anxiety, but mostly a year of joy, love, blessings, and family. I not only owe who I am today to Benjamin, but also to how generous, caring, and loving people have been because of this gift we have all been given. During mass this morning, it was wonderful to hear a very close family friend ask for continued progress with Baby Ben. I am not one to speak out in mass, but it was tough not to yell out AMEN!