For the past two months, Benjamin has slept on a bed on the couch. Since his last hospital discharge, I have spent at least some, if not all, of the night on the couch next to him. Even though I am a very hard sleeper, I can tell any change in Benjamin’s breathing much quicker than his alarms will sound.
This week I decided it was time for Benjamin to move back into his room. (and me back into my bed full time) I ordered big boy sheets for a full bed and took down the baby crib. It wasn’t until I started to dismantle the bed that I realized this is the first time our house will not have a crib since before Lennon was born. Lennon, Isla, and Benjamin are close enough together where we kicked one kid out of the crib to move in another. This move brings such mixed emotions. I am so happy that Benjamin is healthy enough and old enough for us to be able to progress to a big boy bed, but on the other hand, taking the crib down is a tough reminder that KC and I may not be having any more children. When we decided to have children, we knew we wanted a large family. It almost feels selfish of me to be sad about this since we have three beautiful children, but know one wants to hear that it might not be a good idea to try for any more. Since Benjamin’s affected gene hasn’t been located by genetic testing (only by muscle biopsy), I am unable to start testing to see if I am a carrier; therefore, we are not sure of the chance of reoccurrence.
For now, I will look at this moment as an awesome and miraculous change. I will give thanks for my three beautiful and amazing children, and thank God that they are all still with me. Our new problem will be keeping Lennon and Isla out of Benjamin’s bed at night. They are truly the best big sisters a little brother could ever ask for, we just have to keep an eye on them for lving him TOO much.