In 2002, I started working at a pediatric clinic in college. In these eleven years, I have worked with so many unbelievably wonderful kids, and I have also heard comments, noticed looks, and listened to experiences from parents of insensitive people. Knowing what a blessing all these kiddos have been to not only their families, but also to me, makes it very hard for me to understand what prompts people to be so mean. Most times, I truly believe that people don’t intend to say evil things, but I just don’t think they know how to react or treat someone that may be different from what they are comfortable with.
We get our share of looks, smiles that scream “uncomfortable!,” and “poor baby,” but even after eleven years of stories, today tops the list. I was pushing Benjamin out of the elevator today, when a women stopped and said, “Is THAT your baby?!” Thinking she had seen him somewhere or knew someone who knew us, I responded with a smile, “yes he is.” As I walked away from the elevator, the woman continued with, “You must be pretty pissed off at God for this.”
“No, not at all,” is all I could reply. Angry, shocked, and with my heart breaking, I took a few steps away from where she was, looked at Benjamin’s nurse, and burst into tears. (I rarely cry for sadness, but anger makes me cry like a baby.) The woman apparently stood at the elevator and made no comments. I stood there crying in Bridgette’s arms with the feeling of wanting to punch the woman. (Not a feeling I am very comfortable with.)
After calming down, I am still in awe of how hateful someone could be. Hate God? How could I?! God is the reason I was blessed with Benjamin, Lennon, Isla, and KC. God is the reason I am able to spend everyday with Benjamin. God is the reason I am not angry. God is the reason I love my life. God is the reason I am able find silver linings, and God is the reason I know we will be just fine. Most important for her, God is the reason I didn’t hit her. 🙂
On my way home, all I could do is think of what I should have said. (Some of it was not very nice.) I now know that probably nothing I could have said would have had a positive impact on her life. She didn’t seem ready to listen at how much I thank God for what he has given us. All I could do is pray for her. I can’t imagine how sad and bitter she must be. I truly feel bad for those who don’t open their hearts, and let God take control. The phrase that kept ringing in my head was, “forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
My sister-in-law sent the daily meditation she had for today which is included below. You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a plan. This was written for me to see. 🙂
Today’s picture is of Benjamin’s first time painting. God is who gives me that smile.