The past four and a half months have brought a roller coaster of emotions. We have had many ups and many, many downs, but mostly moments that can’t be described as either, and I think sometimes those can be the toughest. Those are the days you don’t want to talk or leave the comforts of your family or home. This is when the kids, or KC, or a friend with a little nudge from Benjamin and God, has offered just what I needed to help pull me out of “the funk” as I call it, never leaving me to dwell there too long and reminding me how blessed we are to have had this journey with Benjamin.
Everyone’s favorite question… “How are we doing?” My true feeling, “I don’t know.” I am not sure what is to be expected, or how we should be feeling. I don’t think anyone ever does. What I do know is that we continue to fill our home with love, laughter, faith, and wonderful memories, so I guess we are doing what we need to do to move forward.
And filling our new home is exactly what we will be doing. About a month after Benjamin left us, KC and I found out we were expecting another baby. This baby, along with the other children, have been our silver linings when sometimes you feel like you are surrounded in a world with grey clouds. This week, I wasn’t surprised to hear we were expecting another girl. I felt that I knew early on what Isla and Rush would be, and about six months ago, I started having dreams of another little girl. At the time, I thought I was crazy, maybe we still are. 😜
We are so excited to welcome another member to our family and I know that this little girl, along with Lennon, Isla, and Rush, will have the most amazing and devoted guardian angel to watch over them until we are reunited again.
Today I stared at a painting of Benjamin’s hands and feet. I am still in awe of the things that someone that tiny can accomplish in such a short period of time. It really makes you think about your own life, its direction, and what will be left when you leave… other than a ton of kids. 😊