Today was just another day in the grieving and healing process. I first wake up to pictures of you three years ago during your first hospital stay. Hospital stays were difficult for so many reasons, but today, I would do anything to be stuck in a hospital with you.
Today, we went to purchase a new van. Having your little sister soon, there is no more room for a baby in our semi-converted van. It was God’s intervention that we bought it in the first place, and we have had so many great memories in that van. After moving houses and passing along equipment, this was one of our last things to move past. While KC was handling paperwork, I went outside to clean out the van, never expecting the impact it would have on me. I sat on the floor where your chair sat and cried like a baby. So many great trips… to Minnesota, to the beach, family visits, sporting events, watching parades, and our daily activities. Though I know it’s only a material thing, it feels like I am moving one step further away from you. I know we couldn’t keep it forever, but making the jump was tough.
But today, i must focus on the positive. I can’t wait for your sisters’ reactions. They have always been mesmerized by the “magic” van doors, they can now enter on either side, there will now be much needed space between them 😃, we now have room to carry their friends, and I know we will have many more memories made in our new van. I will focus on their excitement, and of course a little of mine. I did tear up a little four years ago when I had to make the decision to be a “mini-van mom.” 😂 I think it’s a little cooler now than they were previously.
Today, though tough, I remind myself that you will never be forgotten no matter what we must pass along. You are alive and well in our hearts while watching over all of us, patiently waiting for us to be reunited again.
Today, like everyday, I miss you more than yesterday.